thestoryofdarcy: (Hawkeye)
It's funny how, when I stop and think about it, most of my really big dreams haven't changed. This is the first time I've done that and it's kind of reassuring to know, actually. Maybe new Darcy isn't that different to the Darcy I used to be.

I want Frankie to grow up to be an amazing young woman - the best she possibly can. Of course, I'd love for her to be smart and successful etc but mostly I want her to be healthy and happy.
I would love a second child
A family holiday in Disney
A new car
To own a house (we live in a rented flat)
To work as an archivist or history librarian.

Hopefully, it won't be too hard to get back on track to achieve some of these dreams!
thestoryofdarcy: (Dreamcatcher)
One of the topics that came up in therapy today was what my ideal day would look like. I didn't have an answer for her at the time, and I've pretty much been thinking about it all day. I have an answer now, and I'm sort of blogging it so that I don't lose it before next week!

My ideal day is a warm summer weekend day spent with my family. The morning would start with a lie-in, and a full English breakfast, preferably cooked by Rob and not me - and an everlasting coffee cup. We'd go to the pool and splash about before having a picnic in the park - Frankie loves bite-sized food she can eat with her fingers, and we all love being outside.

She'd probably go down for a nap afterward, and I'd curl up with Rob for a cuddle. There'd be some music playing and I might read, or we might just sit and talk.

The afternoon would be spent playing with Frankie - she loves building blocks and drawing, so I'd also take the time to indulge in some colouring-in. Dinner would be... oh Chinese delivery. Frankie would, for once, not fight having a shower and she'd go to bed on time, I'd read her a bedtime and she'd go straight to sleep (A mum can dream!).

In the evening, there'd be some Doctor Who or some Star Trek - or I'm getting into Supernatural lately. Just relax, enjoy each others company with no interruptions.

Right now, that sounds a little like heaven
thestoryofdarcy: (Default)
As well as working out who I am right now, I also need to think about who I want to be. I used to say I wanted to be the old Darcy, the person I was before I got sick but I'm realising more and more that the old Darcy is dead. I'm grieving for her, mourning her loss while trying to find out who new Darcy is, and what Future Darcy is going to be like.

The scary truth is that I don't know.

I want to be the best possible version of myself. I want to be the best wife and mother and daughter and sister I can be. I want to be loving and loved. I want to be back at work. I want us to own a house. I want to be friendly, and active, and kind, and smarter.

But most of all?
I want to be healthy and happy.
thestoryofdarcy: (TARDIS)
I use the words agender and demisexual to describe myself and I think today most people have an idea what the terms actually mean as a concept but I wanted to try and talk about what they mean to me and how they apply to my life.

In basic terms, and using dictionary definitions here:
agender is a person who does not have a specific gender identity or recognizable gender expression and demisexual is a sexual orientation characterized by only experiencing sexual attraction after making a strong emotional connection with a specific person

We hear more and more about gender-queer people, about non-binary but that's honestly a little... extreme for how I live my life. I also don't have any form of body dysmorphia or desire to transition. I was born female, I have a female body - breasts, vagina, a womb - and I'm perfectly comfortable with both being referred to by and using female pronouns. I just never particularly felt like a woman, I never really associate with the typical feminine traits of my girlfriends. I don't care about 'being a woman', I feel comfortable not wearing a label that says 'female. I prefer to think of myself as a person, rather than my gender.

Agender is a new term that I've recently discovered and started using, but it's not a new expression of myself. I've always felt this way but didn't know there was a term for it. It was Rob who made me aware of it, a couple of years ago; he comes to me with his tablet and he says "Darce, you need to see this, there's a word for people like you" and it... felt like coming home.

I think demisexuality is a lot more clear cut, at least for me. I have to have a strong emotional connection with someone before I experience (sexual)attraction to them. I don't look at people and have that 'oh, they're gorgeous' reaction like so many people do.

I'd known Rob for almost two years, we were very close and I knew that he was attracted to - and sexually interested - in me but I somehow struck very lucky with him. I explained my sexuality to him very early on, we'd shared a few kisses and cuddles and he got it - which is what was part of making me know I'd found the one. I fell in love with him very easily. He would wait for me to initiate the majority of intimate contact and I always remember the day I knew I wanted to have sex with him - and we've had a pretty healthy sex life ever since. I mean, clearly we have sex- we have a daughter! But he's literally the only person on the planet I've ever felt any form of attraction to or wanted to have sex with. Even as a teenager, I never had a crush on a celebrity... but have fallen in love with many fictional characters!

Who am I?

Mar. 17th, 2019 02:34 pm
thestoryofdarcy: (Strawberry Cupcake)
After everything that's happened in my life in the last couple of years, I'm trying to look at 2019 as a new chapter in the Story Of Darcy. Part of that is going to be figuring out who I am within the limitations of my health, what I want out of life and where I want life to take me.

But before I can work any of that out, I need to start from where I am. So what do I know for certain?

My name is Darcy, I'm 28 years old and I live in the South West of England. I've been married to Rob since 2013 and we have a two-and-half-year-old daughter called Frankie. I have an older brother called Ben and a younger sister called Kitty.

I identify as agender - and use she/her pronouns - and demisexual (and will write another post about what they mean to me). I'm INFP, Gemini, and a Slytherin. I'm currently unable to work due to chronic illness but I am a librarian and am hoping to get back that one day.

I've been a history fan for as long as I can remember, especially British history from the middle ages, the war of the roses, the Tudors and the Elizabethans, and the Victorians. But I also have a love for the Classics - Egypt, Rome, and Greece. I love the stories of Arthurian legend and mythical creatures. I want to know more about Norse mythology and the Vikings. True Crime documentaries suck me in every time and I'm planning on watching the Netflix series about Madeline McCann as soon as I can

Most of my hobbies right now are low-energy - I enjoy colouring books, reading, watching tv/movies, knitting, listening to music and cooking & baking. I've started playing games like Gardenscapes & Homescapes on my phone. I'm looking forward to Frankie being a little older and introducing her to Lego!
I miss being able to dance and ice-skate, but I've started swimming again, taking Frankie to toddler swimming lessons.
thestoryofdarcy: (Default)
I was [personal profile] brightmandarin, and really wasn't feeling it. I wasn't prepared to pay $15 just to change the username so I've created a new journal and added everyone again

[personal profile] thestoryofdarcy definitely feels more me and more what I'm hoping to get out of blogging in 2019


thestoryofdarcy: (Default)

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Darcy. She/her. Agender. Demisexual. Wife. Mummy. INFP. Gemini. Slytherin. Librarian. Hopeless romantic. Chronically ill. History buff.

Interests include Arthurian legend, Robin Hood, fairytales, mythology, superheroes, celtic music, baking, colouring books and fictional men with fabulous hair.

April 2019

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