The Story Of Darcy

This week I have been watching Agent Carter on Amazon Prime, it focuses on the character of Peggy Carter following the movie Captain America: The First Avenger. I liked season 1. It had a direct connection to the Captain America movie and worked well as kind of a continuation although some time had passed since the events at the end.

Season 2 is ok but not as good as the first. The plot was far too generic for my taste. Conspiracies, a mad scientist that wants to achieve power, the Italian mobster - it's all bit cliche and the stories have been done in many other shows. It's still entertaining though, and Hayley Atwell is stunning. My favorite character is Jarvis played brilliantly by James D´Arcy. Explains a lot about the virtual Jarvis character in Iron Man.

I would have liked a third season, the proper formation of SHIELD out of the SSR and building a proper bridge to Agents of SHIELD.

Frankie's favourite book is Each Peach Pear Plum by Janet and Allen Ahlberg. We have to read it at least two or three times a day and she loves the rhyming, she loves finding the images, she joins in with me and she's starting to recognise some of the words on the page. I know repetition is how she learns and it's great that she is but oh, am I growing tired of the book!

At this stage, I'm fairly sure I could recite the entire poem without looking:

Each Peach Pear Plum
I spy Tom Thumb
Tom Thumb in the cupboard
I spy Mother Hubbard
Mother Hubbard in the cellar
I spy Cinderella
Cinderella on the stairs
I spy the Three Bears
... and so on

She also loves The Very Hungry Caterpillar and The Wonkey Donkey. I'd like to introduce her to some of my favourites from childhood, The Runaway Rollerskate and The Jolly Postman - and at Christmas to The Night Before Christmas.

I've asked friends and family for more books for her birthday - especially the search and find because she loves those. We've bought her Where's The Unicorn, Giraffes Can't Dance and a couple of beginner activity books like letters and numbers.

My mum has been staying with us for a few days and it's been great to see her. Frankie absolutely loves her and we've been having a lot of fun.

It's funny; when I was younger I was a Daddy's girl. I was his shadow. Everything he did/said/ate, I did the same. They separated when I was in my early teens and I lived with my mum because That's How Things Were Done, and I saw my dad mostly at weekends and holidays. I was such a bitch to my mum - I blamed her for them splitting up, throw in teenage hormones and questioning identity and everything. I was not very nice to her and I idolised my dad even more.

I've since learned that it wasn't mum's fault, dad cheated on her and so on and so forth, real life is nowhere near as black and white as you think it was when you're younger, after all.

But it's only since becoming a parent myself that I'm coming to understand and appreciate what my mum did, what she sacrificed for us, and I'm sure as Frankie grows older I will even more so - especially when she's a teenager.

I apologised to my mum this morning - for all the times I acted out as a teenager. She just laughed and told me there was no need to apologise, that I was a teenager and that my behaviour and actions were expected and were 'my job', and that it was hers to guide me through it. Like she said, we got through it, she's proud of how I grew up and I'm looking forward to growing closer to her, now I'm not a petulant, sulky, teenager!

I've been off work for almost three years and this week, I have just been made aware that they are unable to hold the role any longer and that they would be replacing me full-time, rather than with a temporary cover. I wish I could say I was surprised, I've been expecting it for a while and the fact it hasn't happened before now is the most surprising.

I don't know if I'm ever going to be fit enough to return to work - if I am, I doubt it's going to be for years - so I completely understand that they can't hold my job indefinitely and I love that they have done it this long. Frankie and I have been in a number of times, to see my friends etc (they always love seeing her), and everything is running smoothly. The young man who's taking over, Tim, is brilliant at the job and if I have to be replaced, I'm pleased it's with him.

It's a shame. It was all but my dream job. I read Ancient History at university and being able to work in that library and in that subject was amazing. I know that if my health improves to a point when I can go back to work, there are other related jobs in the field that I could do. I've even thought about maybe continuing on to do some post-graduate study in the field.

First things first though. I need to get through the now before I think of the future, and part of that is going to include a type of mourning/grief for my loss.

Things at Home: 3 humans, 2 cats. All is well.

Frankie currently wants to try every new food she sees, it's a lot of fun and so far there's very little she doesn't like. She also really loves singing, jumping and counting. I have learned The Very Hungry Caterpillar by heart - it's her current favourite book.

Rob, unfortunately, is super stressed right now. His team have a new manager, brought in externally who doesn't know the team, the work or the company and she's trying to micromanage them. At this rate, she's not going to have a team to manage because half of them have already threatened to quit and two have gone off sick!

Things Read:
Career Of Evil by Robert Galbraith
Lethal White by Robert Galbraith
Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld
Behemoth by Scott Westerfeld

Currently Reading:
Goliath by Scott Westerfeld
1914-1918: The History of the First World War by David Stevenson

Things Watched:
Deadpool
Watchmen
Taking Woodstock
NCIS S1
The Rookie S1
The Losers
Shanghai
Inception
Deadpool 2
Jonah Hex
NCIS S2
Captain America: The First Avenger
Frozen
The Resident
Grey's Anatomy S1
Texas Killing Fields

Currently Watching:
NCIS S3

Hi all

Sorry for disappearing on you - I've been in the hospital for a couple of weeks and recovering at home for another couple. I'm still not feeling 100% but I'm doing better than I have been.

Rob's parents have been amazing looking after Frankie for me - she's still with them this week and I miss her like crazy. They visit every day though and hopefully, she should be coming home next week, we'll see how I'm doing at the weekend.

This is the first time I've turned on my laptop in a while, it's installed a bunch of updates and now I'm working on catching up on my emails and social media and stuff. I've got a little nest made up on my couch, Rob's made sure I've got drinks and snacks and blankets. I think my plan for right now is to watch the rest of S1 of Supernatural and continue falling in love with Sam Winchester

One of the topics that came up in therapy today was what my ideal day would look like. I didn't have an answer for her at the time, and I've pretty much been thinking about it all day. I have an answer now, and I'm sort of blogging it so that I don't lose it before next week!

My ideal day is a warm summer weekend day spent with my family. The morning would start with a lie-in, and a full English breakfast, preferably cooked by Rob and not me - and an everlasting coffee cup. We'd go to the pool and splash about before having a picnic in the park - Frankie loves bite-sized food she can eat with her fingers, and we all love being outside.

She'd probably go down for a nap afterward, and I'd curl up with Rob for a cuddle. There'd be some music playing and I might read, or we might just sit and talk.

The afternoon would be spent playing with Frankie - she loves building blocks and drawing, so I'd also take the time to indulge in some colouring-in. Dinner would be... oh Chinese delivery. Frankie would, for once, not fight having a shower and she'd go to bed on time, I'd read her a bedtime and she'd go straight to sleep (A mum can dream!).

In the evening, there'd be some Doctor Who or some Star Trek - or I'm getting into Supernatural lately. Just relax, enjoy each others company with no interruptions.

Right now, that sounds a little like heaven

I use the words agender and demisexual to describe myself and I think today most people have an idea what the terms actually mean as a concept but I wanted to try and talk about what they mean to me and how they apply to my life.

In basic terms, and using dictionary definitions here:
agender is a person who does not have a specific gender identity or recognizable gender expression and demisexual is a sexual orientation characterized by only experiencing sexual attraction after making a strong emotional connection with a specific person

We hear more and more about gender-queer people, about non-binary but that's honestly a little... extreme for how I live my life. I also don't have any form of body dysmorphia or desire to transition. I was born female, I have a female body - breasts, vagina, a womb - and I'm perfectly comfortable with both being referred to by and using female pronouns. I just never particularly felt like a woman, I never really associate with the typical feminine traits of my girlfriends. I don't care about 'being a woman', I feel comfortable not wearing a label that says 'female. I prefer to think of myself as a person, rather than my gender.

Agender is a new term that I've recently discovered and started using, but it's not a new expression of myself. I've always felt this way but didn't know there was a term for it. It was Rob who made me aware of it, a couple of years ago; he comes to me with his tablet and he says "Darce, you need to see this, there's a word for people like you" and it... felt like coming home.

I think demisexuality is a lot more clear cut, at least for me. I have to have a strong emotional connection with someone before I experience (sexual)attraction to them. I don't look at people and have that 'oh, they're gorgeous' reaction like so many people do.

I'd known Rob for almost two years, we were very close and I knew that he was attracted to - and sexually interested - in me but I somehow struck very lucky with him. I explained my sexuality to him very early on, we'd shared a few kisses and cuddles and he got it - which is what was part of making me know I'd found the one. I fell in love with him very easily. He would wait for me to initiate the majority of intimate contact and I always remember the day I knew I wanted to have sex with him - and we've had a pretty healthy sex life ever since. I mean, clearly we have sex- we have a daughter! But he's literally the only person on the planet I've ever felt any form of attraction to or wanted to have sex with. Even as a teenager, I never had a crush on a celebrity... but have fallen in love with many fictional characters!

I was brightmandarin, and really wasn't feeling it. I wasn't prepared to pay $15 just to change the username so I've created a new journal and added everyone again

thestoryofdarcy definitely feels more me and more what I'm hoping to get out of blogging in 2019