I use the words agender and demisexual to describe myself and I think today most people have an idea what the terms actually mean as a concept but I wanted to try and talk about what they mean to me and how they apply to my life.
In basic terms, and using dictionary definitions here:
agender is a person who does not have a specific gender identity or recognizable gender expression and demisexual is a sexual orientation characterized by only experiencing sexual attraction after making a strong emotional connection with a specific person
We hear more and more about gender-queer people, about non-binary but that's honestly a little... extreme for how I live my life. I also don't have any form of body dysmorphia or desire to transition. I was born female, I have a female body - breasts, vagina, a womb - and I'm perfectly comfortable with both being referred to by and using female pronouns. I just never particularly felt like a woman, I never really associate with the typical feminine traits of my girlfriends. I don't care about 'being a woman', I feel comfortable not wearing a label that says 'female. I prefer to think of myself as a person, rather than my gender.
Agender is a new term that I've recently discovered and started using, but it's not a new expression of myself. I've always felt this way but didn't know there was a term for it. It was Rob who made me aware of it, a couple of years ago; he comes to me with his tablet and he says "Darce, you need to see this, there's a word for people like you" and it... felt like coming home.
I think demisexuality is a lot more clear cut, at least for me. I have to have a strong emotional connection with someone before I experience (sexual)attraction to them. I don't look at people and have that 'oh, they're gorgeous' reaction like so many people do.
I'd known Rob for almost two years, we were very close and I knew that he was attracted to - and sexually interested - in me but I somehow struck very lucky with him. I explained my sexuality to him very early on, we'd shared a few kisses and cuddles and he got it - which is what was part of making me know I'd found the one. I fell in love with him very easily. He would wait for me to initiate the majority of intimate contact and I always remember the day I knew I wanted to have sex with him - and we've had a pretty healthy sex life ever since. I mean, clearly we have sex- we have a daughter! But he's literally the only person on the planet I've ever felt any form of attraction to or wanted to have sex with. Even as a teenager, I never had a crush on a celebrity... but have fallen in love with many fictional characters!
